she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I did not marry a roomba.
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