When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
