Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
