STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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