Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
