Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
God I need to hump something, right now.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
