people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
