And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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