Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
