this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize