we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
