Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
