Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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