I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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