thus making me awesome and them whores
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
