Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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