I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
