I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
