You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
this is an emotional support booty call
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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