dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
