all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
