I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
