I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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