My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
