I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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