So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
