At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
