Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's shark week go big or go home
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
