I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
