I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
