I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
