First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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