A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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