And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Go christen that room with your naked body.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
