Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
