kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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