if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
