So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
