wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
