i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
