i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
