if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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