Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
