did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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