when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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