i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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