I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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