i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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