Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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