i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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