ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
