so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
