Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
This toilet bowl is my home.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
