I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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