Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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