btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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