Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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