my phone needs a breathalizer
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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