road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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