i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
