pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
