we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Are my feet made of real feet?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
