My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
