oh god the rape fog is back!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
