so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize