he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
