that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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