onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
