I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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