I wish i was in the wii world.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
